10 1/2 years ago I was injured on the job. I have since been determined to be permanently disabled. I have not worked since then. I have no medical insurance but I am still able to see my work comp doctor and get my pain management meds through him. He is a great doctor and has been very good to me all these years. We have tried and done every treatment possible to help but there is no fix for my injury. I just get told over and over this is something you have to learn to live with. The hardest is part is hearing from people but you don't look sick. I am not sick as in an illness like a cold or flu or something like that. I have a serious neck/back injury that causes severe chronic pain, migraine headaches and depression. How exactly should that make one look??
So here I am just existing day to day. I am not even able to have any type of normal routine because I can be ok one day and maybe do a lot of housework. Then I am in so much pain I cannot get out of bed for several days after that. You add to that depression and I just screwed. I keep thinking I can will it away. I can talk myself out of it. It literally takes every ounce of energy I have (plus a rockstar drink usually) just to get out of bed and do my hair and make up.
My husband is working a temp job. The pay is good but he could be let go anytime. All the stress and pressure of taking care of our entire family is completely on him. This alone makes me feel like the biggest waste of space. While I know my husband loves me very much and does take very good care of me I always have the nagging voice in the back of my head. It keeps telling me, why wouldn't he leave you for someone who actually works, cleans house better, is a better mother, better wife etc. Why wouldn't anyone?? I just really feel like I a nothing right now.... just existing and I HATE this feeling more then anything. How do you make it go away?
This has also greatly effected my relationships with my children. It is hard for them to understand. They see me more like a stay at home mom, but I can't go on class field trips and volunteer at the school like the rest of the moms.
